


Unexpected Turn

by chimeradragon



Category: RocknRolla (2008)
Genre: Confessions, Gen, Hermaphrodites, M/M, Tea, mumbles is a psychic bastard, tea solves everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 04:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimeradragon/pseuds/chimeradragon
Summary: When the Wild Bunch get into a bit of hot water Handsome Bob is there to save the day. But at what cost? And something gets revealed.





	Unexpected Turn

**Author's Note:**

> See the end for a Bonus!

"Well that went completely tits up," Mumbles growled, a handkerchief tied to his head to stem the flow of blood from a nasty cut above one eye. His right arm hung limply in an improvised sling made from Bob's belt. 

"This was tits up from the start," Bob replied, a gun in one hand and a hammer in the other with a second tucked in a loop on is trousers. He had blood splattered over him in various places, cuts to his eyebrow, cheek, lip and who could tell where else through the cuts in his shirt and bruises all over his body. He seemed to be in the best shape as he had One Two propped up along his back. 

"See an exit?" One Two slurred, words muffled from the fat lip; split in two places on the bottom and one on top, an arrangement of bruises extended across his face as he huffed, letting Bob's back help keep him upright. 

"Yeah, car outside," Bob replied as he turned and tucked the hammer into one of his belt loops, on the side opposite of the one already tucked in. He carefully maneuvered One Two over to lean with Mumbles. "Stay here. Take the gun. I'll get the car. Wait for my signal," he said softly as he pressed the gun into Mumbles' good hand and pulled the hammers out. 

"What are you doin'?" One Two asked, one eye starting to swell shut from the beating he'd taken earlier. 

"What's gotta be done," Bob replied simply as he moved towards the door. 

"How?" Mumbles asked, trying to still be the voice of reason as he watched Bob lean against the door, peeking out and trying to catch his timing. It was something the Wild Bunch had seen and done plenty of times. 

"Got a joke for ya," Bob replied with a cheeky grin. "A paranoid schizophrenic who walks into a bar..."

And Bob disappeared out the door to the sounds of screaming and the hammers landing. There was the distinct sounds of bone breaking and determined grunting. The door was pulled shut at one point and the sounds of fighting moved away from the hiding spot Mumbles and One Two were in. They looked at each other, worried for their compatriot, as the sounds swelled before dying down. 

The sound of a revving engine caught their attention and a horn honked twice in quick succession, then three longer. 

"Tha's gotta be Bobby-boy," One Two grunted and stood, swaying a bit before he managed to gain his feet. Mumbles nodded and followed closely on the Scot's heels. They tried not to look too closely at the trail of bodies Bob had left behind. There were some that were probably still alive, but a lot the younger man had made sure wouldn't get back up. Sex trafficking set everyone's teeth on edge, and Bob had made sure to use those teeth properly. 

"Get the fuck in the car!" Bob shouted from the driver's seat, covered in more blood and had more holes and fabric missing in his shirt. He was breathing hard and looked like he was just barely holding himself together. "We gotta scamper now. Cops'll be on us soon 'nough." 

Mumbles and One Two didn't argue and crawled into the back. The door was barely shut before the engine roared to life and the car took off like a shot. Bob deftly weaved through the back streets with an ease that impressed everyone that met him. They could hear the sounds of the cops descending on the place they'd just been, but as Bob slowed down to a normal speed and drove more carefully, the Wild Bunch was pretty sure the cops would be calling them heroes. Even if it never made the papers. A trafficking ring taken down? And no cops hurt or killed? Christmas came early. 

"You a'right Bob?" One Two managed as they continued away from the heart of the city into the countryside. 

"Hm," Bob grunted, teeth clenched, hands stiff on the steering wheel. His face had started to look unusually pale as he continued to drive, not stopping for anything that wasn't required by law. His eyes had a steely quality to them that made both men in the back seat slightly worried and unwilling to do much to disrupt that tension.

"We 'eadin' ta new safe 'ouse?" Mumbles asked, voice carefully pitched low and quiet, no urgency in his words as he watched Bob's shoulders stiffen a bit, raised an inch or so as he listened, but slowly lowered. 

"Hn," Bob answered with another grunt but nodded his head slightly as he pulled off the main road, eyes still straight out the windscreen. There was almost no expression on their driver's face as he maneuvered the car with grace and expertise. Trees seemed to shoot up from the ground suddenly on either side of the narrow road that was just wide enough for two cars to drive down. A faded line down the middle of the road indicated the road was meant for two, but Bob drove down the dead center as the light from the oncoming sunset was eaten by the trees that seemed to grow thicker and closer together rapidly. The headlamps of the car came to life and the windows were rolled down a bit to let in some of the soothing night air. But everything was done without a word from Bob. 

One Two and Mumbles shared a look that spoke volumes for how uncomfortable the two of them were with the sudden change in their longtime friend. 

"You ever seen 'im this... quiet?" One Two asked as he shifted in the backseat, worried for the man in the front. He looked up into the rearview mirror and felt his heart skip a beat as his eyes met frozen blue for a moment before Bob turned back to the road. 

"Never," Mumbles offered as he took a moment to adjust, his shoulder was screaming, but the road was relatively smooth. A small mercy. 

They drove for another ten minutes before turning down a road that was practically invisible from the road. They drove ten meters before coming up to a gate that had the car stopping. Bob got out; still eerily silent, and moved the gate before getting back in and moving the car beyond the gate. He paused again to move the gate back into place before continuing their journey. There was a shared look in the back of the car for a moment before a looming house seemed to melt out of the shadows. 

"Here," Bob stated, the first thing he'd said in hours since he'd called his mates to get in the car. His hands shook a bit before he turned off the engine and got out of the car. He didn't look back as he headed for the front door and there was noticeable limp in his steps, and stoop in his shoulders as he moved. There was a large gash across the back of Bob's shirt, showing more skin than it covered and coated in crimson, and his trousers had a disturbing dark quality to them. 

"Were his trousers that dark when get got jumped?" One Two asked as he struggled to reach for the door. 

"Dunno, don' think they were," Mumbles replied, seemingly content to stay in the back of the car.

"Come," Bob's voice cut through the relative quiet of the car as the door next to One Two was pulled open. He caught One Two, there was a look of desperate pain in his eyes as he was almost pulled off balance by the body of the larger man. "Inside."

One Two nodded as he took the offered shoulders, Bob stood and carried a good portion of the older man's weight, guiding him to the open door where a warm light shone. Bob didn't say anything, just grunted in what could be pain, as he carefully poured One Two into a comfortable overstuffed chair that had been padded with towels. There was some whining as One Two was settled into the chair. 

Bob stood and looked over One Two, face still expressionless and eyes like shards of ice, before nodding to himself and heading out to bring Mumbles next. The tall, dark-skinned man was placed in a similar chair; also decorated with many towels, before Bob turned to make sure the car was off and the front door was chained shut. He walked past the two nearly incapacitated men and disappeared into the house for a bit before he came back with a first aid kit. He carefully unbelted Mumbles' arm and looked him over, wiping him down with a rag and warm water; water nobody had seen Bob get, before carefully bracing and wrapping Mumble's arm and moving on to the other cuts and bruises. 

"Thanks, mate," Mumbles offered as he was carefully and quickly cleaned up and bandaged. 

"Hm," Bob hummed before moving to One Two. His hands were shaking hard as he worked on the Scot, but he seemed determined to finished before he ran out of strength. The last trip to the kitchen seemed to have taken almost the last of Bob's strength as he set hot tea and a bottle of water for each before he turned to leave. 

"What was all that 'bout?" One Two whispered, almost terrified at the side of Bob they'd never seen before. "I've never seen 'im like this 'afore."

Mumbles had just opened his mouth to reply when there was a heavy thump from the hallway. 

The two chair bound men looked at each other for several indecisive seconds before they managed to scramble awkwardly to their feet. The sight they found in the hall nearly stopped both of their hearts. They couldn't move for a moment. 

Bob lay on the floor, face down in a rapidly spreading pool of blood, his skin was nearly the color of paper, and his breath was rasping in his chest as he fought to take in air. 

One Two was on his knees; despite the pain, and had a hand on Bob's neck, checking for a pulse. "He's alive," he said softly, almost like he was afraid to break the spell of Bob's survival if he spoke too loudly. He slowly rolled the younger man over, worried about what he might see on the face that had held no expression for the last several hours. What he saw nearly broke his heart instead. 

Bob lay motionless, face pale and drawn in obvious pain. Pain he'd been hiding; or pushing down, so he could take care of his mates before taking care of himself. His lips were nearly purple from bruising and blood, his nose was swollen from where he'd taken a few hits that left his nose dripping blood. There was an impressive collection of black, blue, purple with just a tinge of red across Bob's face. His brows were drawn together tightly, even in unconsciousness. His shirt had fallen open and there were a number of gashes across his chest where the shirt; what was left of it, showed more injuries and even more bruising. 

"We've gotta do somethin' before he bleeds out," One Two said, voice harder than it had been a few moments earlier. 

"Right you are," Mumbles replied as he sighed and crouched low. He grunted as he hefted Bob's arm over his good shoulder and then leaned back into the bare wall so he could stand and pull the smaller man to his feet, still limp as a dishrag. There was a small noise from Bob's slack mouth but he didn't seem able to move on his own. 

One Two quickly moved to get under Bob's other arm and brace him. He looked around and spotted tile that didn't look like it belonged in a kitchen. "This way, think it's the loo."

Mumbles nodded in agreement and followed where the Scot was. They found a full bathroom and carefully set Bob on the closed toilet lid, carefully propping him up against the nearby wall. The two frowned as they realized they were going to have to divest Bob of his shredded clothing. 

"We're gonna hafta get 'im naked," One Two sighed as he moved forward; the logical choice since his arms were sore but working, and started undoing the few buttons keeping Bob's shirt on his lithe frame. He felt as Mumbles moved in close to help hold Bob with his working arm while he divested Bob of his shirt. As the material was pulled away it tugged in some spots, glued to the pale skin with copious amounts of dried blood. 

"Trousers next?" Mumbles asked as they laid Bob back into place on the toilet. "Should get the water goin', I reckon." He leaned over and started the shower, adjusting the temperature so it wouldn't be uncomfortable. 

"Cheers on that," One Two replied as he took a moment before nodding to himself and moving on to Bob's trainers. They squished when the put pressure on them, and the slick blood and other liquids oozed out as One Two pulled. The socks that came off next were an alarming reddish brown color but were laid with the shoes. They were probably going to have to destroy Bob's current wardrobe and start over, hopefully, they had enough other clothing to dress him after.

"Right, that's not disturbin' in the least," Mumbles stated, eyebrows high on his forehead as he looked at the pool of blood spreading from the socks and shoes in the corner. He'd found a pile of towels under the sink and set one as a barrier around the spreading fluid. Damming it up in the corner so they could work on helping their friend.

"Yeah," One Two shook his head as he looked at the pile with a wince before turning back to where Bob was slowly slumping down the wall. He hesitated as he realized he was going to have to remove Bob's trousers and pants. He shook himself and squared his shoulders as he reached forward and undid the button and zipper. He paused and looked over to Mumbles and jerked his head over. "Come help me hold 'im up," he asked.

"Right then," Mumbles offered as he moved to sling Bob's arm over his good shoulder and hoisted him up again. "Get the rest of his kit off. I think my arm's gonna fall off."

"On it," One Two replied as he carefully pulled trousers and pants together, trying to avoid pulling too much in any one direction. He frowned as the clothing got stuck for a moment just past Bob's groin but a gentle tug had the material moving again until it was in a pile at Bob's feet that One Two and Mumbles helped him step out of before the sodden clothing was thrown in the corner. 

"Set 'im down a tick, I'll get in and hold 'im up," One Two added as he pulled his own shirt off; careful of his own bandages, and got down to his skivvies before stepping into the stall with a slight wince. "A'right, hand 'im over," he said and with Mumbles' help, they got Bob under the spray of water. 

One Two tried to keep from thinking about the sheer amount of red that was swirling down the drain, intent on helping his best mate out. He cast his eyes around the stall and found a bottle of shampoo that looked a bit dusty, but it still had some in it. He grabbed the bottle and poured a tiny amount onto Bob's head to wash the worst of the filth off the shorter man's head. He winced a bit in sympathy as he felt a cut on the back of Bob's scalp, but it didn't seem too deep so One Two carefully rinsed and moved onto cleaning off Bob's face with a washcloth Mumbles had helpfully handed him. 

"There seems ta be fresh blood comin' from his leg," Mumbles stated quietly from his position using another cloth to help One Two get Bob cleaned enough to see what kind injuries the youngest member of their crew might have. He frowned as he looked to where the leg was mostly clean but fresh red kept swirling from it. "Might be some'tin there."

One Two nodded and carefully braced Bob in the corner to be able to see what Mumbles was pointing out. He moved carefully down to said man's leg and spotted a bit of something shiny. "Gotta move 'is leg a bit," he murmured, knowing Mumbles would help hold Bob in place while careful hands moved said. limb. 

Bob made a pathetic whining noise in the back of his throat as his leg was moved, obviously shifting the piece of metal that was exposed. It was slender, somewhat triangular shaped with about half an inch of metal sticking out from the juncture of Bob's leg and groin. It didn't look like it had nicked anything vital, but it was clear the metal needed to be removed before they could safely move Bob again. 

"He's got some'in metal stuck in 'is leg," One Two announced, voice quiet as he moved enough to let Mumbles see the injury. "Think we outta take it out?"

"I think that's the wisest choice. Can't get 'im to a hospital like this. Can't dress 'im without risking movin' it and makin' it worse. But, careful, right?"

"One the toilet seat, yeah?" One Two asked, fairly certain they'd managed to get the worst of the blood off of Bob. 

"Good plan, that," Mumbles agreed, tossed a clean towel down, then with his shoulder screaming the two managed to maneuver Bob on to the toilet lid with a soft thump and a low groan, but he seemed determined to stay in the land of unconsciousness. His head lolled to the side but he made no other move. 

"Right..." One Two murmured as he felt Mumbles move to give him room to maneuver but kept Bob's body in a mostly upright position. One Two rubbed his hands on a nearby towel and gently poked the metal sticking out of Bob's leg and heard a groan but didn't see a significant increase in the blood pooling around it. "I think I can get it out. Jus' give me a sec." 

With hands that shook slightly, One Two carefully wiped the excess water from the metal and took hold of the metal, pulling slowly. The metal moved for a fraction of a second before seeming to get stuck and making Bob give out a high pitched whining noise and One Two let go like he'd been burned. 

"Wrong angle?" Mumbles asked, head tilting to look at the metal. "When he was standin' it was pokin' out more."

"Right, good thinkin'," One Two replied and slowly moved Bob's leg to try and find an angle that made the metal stick out further, looking for its path of entry. It wasn't until he had Bob's leg up on his shoulder to straighten it out, legs spread slightly, that he found the place where the metal stuck out almost three inches. "Got it! Sorry about this Bob," One Two murmured as he placed a bracing hand on Bob's thigh and the other gripped the metal firmly. He pulled slowly, feeling for any resistance as he went and watching for any unusual blood flow. The metal moved smoothly, as though it was greased; which when One Two thought about it was indeed, and Bob only made a faint sound as the metal was finally removed from his flesh. 

"God in heaven," Mumbles murmured as they looked at the eight inches of metal Bob had embedded in his leg not a minute earlier. It was smooth and triangular shaped, but the thought of having something like that grinding against your insides made them flinch in sympathy. They'd seen Bob moving around and tending to them with only a mild limp. 

"Well, our boy'o 'ere deserves a medal fer that," One Two breathed as he tossed the rod in the direction of Bob's ruined clothing, carefully keeping his mind off of what something that long could have come from. He didn't need to think like that, just make sure Bob wasn't about to bleed to death now that the metal had been removed. He let his eyes move back to the wound which looked surprisingly small for something so terrifying being pulled from it. He pulled gently on the sides of the wound but didn't see anything alarming. "We need some'in ta keep it from gettin' infected."

"You got 'im? I'll look in the kit he used in the living room," Mumbles offered. 

"I got 'im," One Two replied with a nod as he carefully pressed a clean cloth to the injury to keep it from bleeding more. He let his eyes cast over Bob's slumped form, tracking over various cuts and bruises that littered the younger man's body. It didn't look like he'd taken as many hits as the blood he was covered in would have suggested, just a couple of superficial scrapes and cuts. Nothing else that looked like it might be life-threatening. There was a towel close by so One Two stood and snagged it, making sure to be careful as he let go of Bob to start toweling the unconscious man off, taking care around Bob's face where the majority of the cuts and bruises were. Lip split in three places, small and hard to work around, but One Two seemed to manage it without too much trouble as he worked his way down, thankful for the lack of hair Bob sported. 

"One..." Bob whined, voice barely above a whisper, eyes still screwed tightly shut. He huffed out another sound but it was impossible to say for certain what he might be trying to say. 

"I'm 'ere, Bob," One Two soothed as he patted Bob's thigh again, moving further down. It looked like the three of them would need to be on holiday for a while, a bit of first aid cream, hot baths, and maybe some ointment for bruises, but nothing life threatening. One Two shuddered to think what might have happened to them if Bob hadn't ... miraculously saved them all from whatever fate that been in store for them. The sight of something strange caught One Two's attention and he looked over Bob's body again and something around the same level as the injury on the junction of Bob's leg and crotch. One Two's eyebrows made an impressive try for his hairline as his brain tried to process what he was seeing just as Mumbles came stumbling back into the bathroom with the first aid kit in hand. 

"Got the kit," Mumbles announced as he thumped the kit onto the counter and leaned against it like it was the only thing holding him upright. It might have been with as pale and exhausted as Mumbles look at the moment. "Figured it'd be easier this way."

One Two merely stared for a moment more before the sound of Mumbles clearing his throat managed to break the spell. "Yeah, some of that tape and a bandage. You find any pants out there?" 

"Didn't look, but there's probably some out there. Seems well stocked, if not lived in," Mumbles replied as he nodded. "I'll go look. You got him?"

"Yeah," One Two replied, mind still miles away from Mumbles, and stuck on what he'd just seen. It explained so much, and yet raised so many questions of it's own. He met Mumbles' dark eyes for a second before the other finally left. "Bob... you and I've got a talk ta have when you're awake," he murmured as he pulled the first aid kit close and started in on putting ointment on the cuts he could see, he moved on to get some gauze and tape to close up the hole on Bob's leg, hands firm but gentle on the younger man's body. Trying not to make any of the injuries hurt any worse than they already did. 

"... Two...." came the breathy sound as one of Bob's hands twitched a bit, still limp at his side, but trying for something all the same. One Two took the twitching hand in his own for a moment, waiting until the twitching had subsided and Bob seemed to settle again. 

"Gotta get ya patched up, Bob. Then you an I'll need that talk," One Two offered as he pulled his hand to finish his work. He found some Coban to help hold the gauze and tape in place on Bob's leg, it was a bit of an awkward angle, but One Two managed to get it finished up by the time Mumbles had returned. 

"Got 'em," Mumbles announced just as One Two was carefully lowering Bob's leg from his shoulder to make sure the bandages would stay in place without cutting off circulation or hurt Bob more than he was already hurt. 

"Thank god fer small miracles," One Two huffed as he took the offered material. He raised an eyebrow at the bright pink material of the briefs, with a solid black band at the top. "Works for me," he said with a shrug a moment later, not willing to let his mind wander to things beyond him. It was just material to do a job. He had a pair that were similar; though in a bright blue with electric green leopard spots, that Bob had gotten him as a gag gift one Christmas years ago. One Two only wore them on laundry day, and they were very comfortable. 

"Right then, 'ow's the leg?" Mumbles asked as he leaned against the counter. 

"Think he'll make it," One Two replied as he slowly stood from his crouch and felt dizzy for a moment. He shook his head and looked over to Mumbles who looked almost as tired as One Two felt. "Ya find an'where ta sleep?"

"Might be more upstairs..." Mumbles started but winced at the thought of climbing the stairs. "But there's a king down 'ere. Sure we can share it. Plen'y of room."

"Good enough for me," One Two sighed. "Find any other clothes?"

"Sure there's some, but I was just gettin' basics, ya? Too tired for anythin' else."

"Right, bed. All of us," One Two decided as he reached out for Bob who was still; unhelpfully, unconscious. "Once more. Sure he'll be fine come mornin'."

Mumbles gave a heavy, resigned sigh and helped One Two get Bob up again. They slowly made their way out into the hallway and down to a room at the end with a door that was wide open, faint moonlight poured in from the window as the three found the massive bed. Mumbles took the initiative and tossed the sheets back before coming to help One Two pour Bob into the bed so the youngest of the crew would be in the middle. 

"Right then, see ya in the mornin'," One Two said, as he laid back, helping to pull the bed sheets over them. Mumbles didn't reply, already asleep as soon as he'd pulled the sheet up on himself, and Bob was still out. One Two felt the heavy pull of sleep, uncertain but fairly sure he'd heard his name as he drifted off. 

Late the next morning; rapidly approaching noon, there was movement in the bed. Mumbles was the first to wake with a groan of pain and a wish for a pint to dull the ache. He stretched a moment before rolling out of the bed and onto his feet without looking back as he headed for the loo in desperate need of the facilities. Once his business was done he came back to the room to wake the rest of the Wild Bunch, and stopped dead in his tracks as a smile tugged at his lips. 

One Two was on his back, one arm above his head and the other being used as a pillow by Handsome Bob. The youngest member of their group was curled up against, and partially on, One Two's chest with the blankets pilled on him. Mumbles took a moment to make a visual assessment, noting that the bruising on both faces was in full color now that the sun was up, and that Bob wasn't quite as pale as before. The blood loss was what was likely to have driven him to curl up to One Two so tightly, probably freezing cold. He took a moment to check Bob's pulse, it was strong but his exposed skin was cool to the touch in a way that made Mumbles a bit worried. 

"Hey," Mumbles said quietly as he touched One Two's shoulder, trying to be careful not to wake the Scot too suddenly and force him to dislodge his limpet. "Wake up, One Two."

One Two made an unhappy noise but slowly blinked his eyes open; one not as much as the other due to the swelling, and blinked at Mumbles a few times as the situation at hand slowly dawned on him. He started to roll but was caught but a large hand that didn't belong to him. "Wha-?"

"He's still asleep. You're the only thin' keepin' 'im warm," Mumbles stated as he slowly pulled his hand back. "But I didn' want ya wakin' up in a panic."

"Is he okay?" One Two asked, crisis over for the moment at Mumbles' calm tone. He took a moment to look down and noted a second laceration he'd missed the night before on Bob's scalp, but it looked like it had scabbed over nicely while they'd been asleep. He felt the body that was laying on him shift slightly before settling again, one arm and one leg thrown over his in a way that should have made him feel trapped but didn't. One Two decided on tackling that thought process later. Much later. 

"Yeah, heart's steady, but he's cold as ice where he's not under the covers or touchin' you," Mumbles replied as he sat in the chair by the bed. He groaned softly as he settled. "Reckon he's not got enough blood left ta keep his body warm, but enough to keep 'im goin'."

"Makes sense," One Two replied with a nod. "Ya been up long?"

"Nah, just woke m'self," Mumbles answered with a slight stretch and yawn. "Gonna raid the kitchen. Want anythin'?"

"See if there's clothes after ya put the kettle on," One Two offered after several moments of thought. "I'll stay here until we've got something to keep 'im warm."

"Right on, I'll go an play 'ousewife, you stay and ..." Mumbles got a wicked smile on his face as he stood. "You stay and cuddle."

One Two sputtered but a groan from Bob made sure he didn't do anything about his indignation. He glared at Mumbles as the other man walked out, chuckling softly to himself. 

"Hm?" Bob made a faint, questioning sound as he burrowed against One Two's arm, leg twitching slightly as he adjusted. 

"Eh, you 'wake there Bobski?" One Two breathed, not wanting to wake Bob, but also not wanting him to panic or try to roll away and undo all of the hard work from the night before. 

"No," Bob whined back, eyes still closed, but his face was soft, still clearly asleep. And he looked years younger than he was, and so innocent. 

One Two scoffed out a laugh but didn't move to try and wake Bob further. Content to just lay there and let his mind try to process what had happened to the Wild Bunch in such a short amount of time. Lady Luck seemed to be having a great time messing with them, putting them in nearly impossible situations and then letting them get away by the skin of their teeth. 

"Found some clothes, should fit," Mumbles said as he walked back into the room. "Kettle's almost done. You good to get 'im up?"

One Two blinked stupidly for a moment before nodding as he looked at the decent sized pile of clothing in Mumbles' hands. "Bit much for just Bob, yeah?"

"Moron," Mumbles growled, tone playful. He'd found some pain killers in the bathroom and they were just starting to kick in. "Grabbed a few things for you too. 'Cause I know your clothes ain't too rosy. I'mma get changed myself, and I'm makin' food. You want any, you'll get your lazy ass up and outta bed."

"Right," One Two replied to Mumbles' retreating back. He sighed as he looked down and tried not to think too hard about any one thing. He needed to wake Bob and get the other dressed. Once that was done they could worry about other details. "Bob, come on, get up." He tried moving the arm Bob was currently using as a pillow but got a sleepy murmur of discontent for his trouble. He frowned and tugged again, trying to roll away but was followed by Bob spooning up behind him. One Two sighed as he felt the strong arms wrapped around his middle and shook his head. He tried rolling backwards a bit, squishing Bob into the mattress for a moment before rolling forward and almost off the bed as Bob's grip loosened just enough to let One Two escape, but so close to the edge the Scot had to catch himself on the nightstand before his face became intimately familiar with the floor. 

"Wazzat?" Bob asked blearily as he blinked slowly in confusion, eyes focusing on One Two's mildly startled expression, still hanging on the side of the bed. "What'cha doin'?"

"Oh, just thought I'd hang out for tick," One Two replied sarcastically as he moved to stand, having regained his balance. "Mumbles found some clothes for ya. Should get dressed and see what kind food ya got stashed 'ere."

"Right..." Bob yawned and stretched for a moment before the realization of his clothing situation; or lack thereof, became apparent. "One Two?"

"Yeah, Bob?"

"Am I naked?"

"No. You've got pants on."

"Don't be cheeky. You undressed me?"

"Yeah, had to make sure ya didn't 'ave any life threatening injuries," One Two huffed as he picked up the pile of clothes and sat in the chair to face Bob the way Mumbles had earlier to talk with One Two. "You had us a bit worried last night. Do ya remember any of it?"

Bob's expression hardened for a moment as he remembered and gave a short nod. "Most of it."

"You remember bringing us to a house in the middle o' nowhere?"

Bob's eyebrows furrowed for a moment before he nodded slowly. "A bit."

"Right. And gettin' 'ere?"

"It's kinda blurry after we got 'ere," Bob replied slowly. "I kinda remember gettin' here and then wakin' up ... here. In the bed. With you."

"Right," One Two ran a hand through his hair and wished someone else could be having this conversation, but he was the only one that could. Besides, he had to talk to Bob about what he'd seen when he was taking care of the other man's injuries. "You got us here. Dragged Mumbles and myself inside. Got us cleaned up and then passed out in the hallway. Thought we'd lost ya for a bit there. We managed to get you in the shower. Cleaned ya up. Not an insignificant amount of blood on you by the way. And we patched you up. You know you had a rod in yer leg?" One Two held his fingers out to indicated the size of the metal he'd pulled out. "Thought I'd be pullin' it outta yer chest. But we had ta strip ya down. Yer clothes are ruined. Holes and blood. Gonna hafta burn the lot. But we've got some clothes Mumbles found. And ..." 

Bob's eyebrows were making an impressive run for his hairline as he listened to his own exploits after losing consciousness. "And?"

"Well ... I was awful close to your ... nether region when I was patchin' ya up..." One Two stated slowly, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment, not sure how to bring up the subject but knowing he was going to have to finish his thought now that his traitorous mouth had given him away. 

"...and?" Bob demanded, tone harder as he narrowed his eyes at One Two, not sure what game the older man was playing at. 

"Well... I kinda... saw somethin'..." One Two hedged. "Some'in that ought not be there?"

Bob looked utterly confused for several seconds, eyebrows now trying to touch each other in his confusion. One Two made an abortive gesture towards his own groin but his mouth made no sounds other than a strange squeak as he tried to articulate what he was trying to get across. 

"Ya know! That ... what shoudn'a be there?" One Two tried again, face starting to flush with embarrassment. 

Bob tilted his head slightly as he started to sit up but the pull of the injury on his leg gave him pause. Pause enough to get One Two's point. His eyes widened as he sat up; ignoring the aches and pains of his body, and pulled the blanket around himself like a shield. He looked One Two in the eye, trying to find any hint of negativity. 

"Yeah, that," One Two offered, not able to hold Bob's gaze. 

"So?" Bob asked as he cleared his throat. "What are we gonna do 'bout that?"

"Do?" One Two asked, head jerked up like he was on strings. "What'cha mean, 'do', Bob?"

Bob raised an eyebrow as he settled a bit, not quite as defensive. "About what you saw. Is it gonna be a problem?"

"No!" One Two nearly shouted, but managed to reign in the volume at the last moment. He flushed harder. "It's just ... bit of a shock." 

"Like when I told you I didn't want the strippers?" Bob asked with a playful gleam in his eye. 

"Aye," One Two managed with a bit of a shaky laugh. "Just... were ya ever gonna say somthin'?"

"Only if I got you back to mine," Bob replied honestly with a bit of a shrug. "Not important otherwise, is it?"

"Well... no, but still!"

"What are you two going on about in 'ere?" Mumbles demanded from the doorway. "You a'supposed to be gettin' dressed not discussing weddin' tackle! Get your asses in the kitchen. I ain't playin' housewife all day."

Bob and One Two blinked at each other then back at where Mumbles had been before looking at each other again. 

"Did you say anythin'?" Bob asked, confusion clear on his face. 

"No a thing! 'E wasn't even there when I saw... when I was patchin' up yer leg," One Two promised, one hand held up like he was in court. 

"Then how...?"

"I swear he's psychic," One Two whispered conspiratorially. 

"Get dressed!" Mumbles' voice rang from the kitchen. 

"Right, right," One Two seemed to be spurred into action at the shout and fumbled with the clothing in his hands. He managed to separate out things that would fit Bob and handed them over. "You heard the man. Get dressed. We can finish this later...?"

"Or we can finish it now and still get dressed," Bob countered. "Your hands'll be busy, not your mouth."

"Right so... both?"

"Yes," Bob huffed as he unburied himself from the blankets and dangled his legs over the side of the bed to grab the trousers that had been tossed his way and stepped into them with a slight wince as the movement tugged at his injured leg. "I've got both."

"Bit of a busy undercarriage, eh?" One Two tried to laugh it off but the curiosity was clear on his face. 

"Sometimes," Bob hedged slowly. "Not that it means much to me. Don't really interfere with much of anything. Little crankier than usual some times. Not that often." 

"But ... what about when you ... you know?" One Two tried, ears starting to turn red with his blush as he stepped into fresh clothing. 

"Get someone 'ome?" Bob asked, one eyebrow raised as he stood with the shirt he'd been given wide open. "One Two... I don't think you get this, mate. I'm usually the one on top. The one giving it. Not takin' it. That's what had Bertie all hot and bothered. Even when we went for drinks. He was smitten with me. Not my gender. And certainly didn't give a toss about my weddin' tackle as Mumbles put it oh, so, delicately."

"Right ... so... yeah," One Two seemed to be at war with himself over the revelation. His cheeks were still tinged with color as he tried to say something, or at least get his thoughts in order. "Bob... I know things 'ave been a wee bit bat shit of late... and I'd been meanin' ta speak with you about ... ya know. That dance. And ever'thin' but we didn'a have time and ... didn't seem the right time before. Don't feel like it now, but I just..."

Bob gave a beaming smile as he hobbled the last two steps to One Two and hugged the Scot tightly. "It's okay, mate. I forgive you. Not like I wouldn't have without the confession. I didn't mean to startle you that bad. Was a bit funny... in hindsight. But, what's that mean for us?"

One Two let himself lean into the strength of Bob's arms a bit, comforted by the fact that he wasn't being outright rejected, and he didn't have to look Bob in the eye for the moment. 

"One Two?" Bob asked, voice small as he felt apprehension start to build in his body. 

"We'll try, yeah? And if it don't work... we'll go back to the way it was. Knowin' more," One Two offered as he leaned back to catch Bob's eye. His mind had been working on overdrive since the car confession, and he hadn't been sure how to broach the subject after his less than stellar reaction. 

"I don' wanna make things weird," Bob stated, worry clearly evident on his face as he leaned back, still a little unsteady on his feet.

"Then let's not," One Two replied simply, as though it was the easiest thing in the world, but the look on his face said otherwise. He nervously rubbed the back of his head. 

Bob sat on the edge of the bed, teeth worrying his thumbnail for a moment before he bobbed his head. "Yeah.... sounds good."

"You two done sortin' your shit?" Mumbles grumbled from the door, arms crossed over his broad chest; as much as he could with the jacked shoulder and arm, with a look that said he was far from pleased with their antics. "Tea's gettin' cold."

"Coming," Bob replied with a grin as he stood; wobbled for a moment as dizziness made the room spin the wrong way, and felt One Two's hand steady him. 

"Good." Mumbles left the room, stomping slightly as he left the room again, muttering to himself too low to make anything out. 

"Right... tea?" One Two asked as he held out a hand, not sure how this whole thing would go, but willing to try. 

"Sounds good, One Two. Sounds good," Bob replied, beaming at the Scot and taking the offered hand. "But don't think this makes me some damsel in distress."

"After what you did to the West End gang... no. I won' be makin' that mistake," One Two replied with a shiver. "I doubt they'll be makin' that mistake either."

"Right then. Lead on."

END

**Author's Note:**

> **Note: There's a bit of a joke/reference for another movie Tom Hardy was in, can you spot it? Know the movie? If you do and comment below with what you think it was... first correct answer gets a fic of their choice! One chapter - almost any Fandom/pairing, you pick it. :D
> 
> PS Also, I blame this a little on Tom because in one of his interviews he said he sees himself relatively feminine... and this was borne while I was watching the movie.


End file.
